So High, So Low

It has been a long time. But as I have recently learned, you let time you lost wash over you, cleanse yourself and merely continue a little more aware. My voice is missing, however. Where to re-begin, where to. Am I coming or going? Seems to be a reoccurring motif.

I wish to be somewhere alive with age-old wonder, inkling with fulfilling love, to be on top of a cliff and wish beyond wild blue yonder only to stare at a tiny self and wish to be there. I found my voice.

I have to admit, my life has been easy.

But I stingily want more.

I want more adversity, anguish, and pain. I want to have suffered more hardships in life, felt a sadness I yet to have shatter me, experience more because I want to grow. Confession time, I am a selfish human being. I am fatuous but please do not think too ill of me for I am grateful to have been lucky enough to land this slot, but struggle to pull from what I have not. For a long time I've had my imagination and passion to refer to and guide me but there's a dark place I am forbidden to near. However, I'm sure when one lives through such things, a new dimension surfaces that is terrifying and beautiful but impossible to gain otherwise. I thirst.

It's strange. To feel an emptiness that yearns to be filled with blue devils.
Cosmos test my sufferance.